Today, my topic is meanness. As always, I look to the definition of a word before I explore the concept I think it represents. Hence:
Mean (adjective)
: lacking dignity or honor, being below the normal standards of human decency and dignity.
I ask you, reader, how many people have you encountered this week fitting this definition?
My answer is: In fiction, several. In real life, several.
I read a book with this title, written by an immensely talented author by the name of Renata Barcelos. It's available on Amazon, and it follows the path of a child abuse victim as she seeks revenge for the hand she was dealt. I've read all of Renata's books this week, as a matter of fact. You should too. She is great at getting in the head of dark and damaged people. I prefer these types of characters, in fiction.
In real life, not so much.
My other brush with meanness was on our friendly social networking base, Facebook. I commented on a funny, lighthearted post regarding the ineffectiveness of the local road commission. My comments were basically about how they sucked at their jobs, and if they were doctors they'd be fired for their incompetence. It was ranty, which I admitted outright, but my experience this winter has been atrocious at best. My husband even lost his job because he was unable to get out, or feared he wouldn't be able to get back home, so I had a horse in this race. Of course I was going to voice my opinion on the matter. To my shock and amazement, a wave of hostility and insults followed. "I'd like to know what you do so I could be ignorant and tell you how much you suck at it," a stranger told me. And, later, (paraphrasing) "I bet you work at a dollar store, if you work at all. Perhaps you are sucking up government aid?"
It took a moment for me to un-drop my jaw. The OP, in my defense, called them out on their offensiveness and rudeness. I was caught off-guard, because I had *no idea* who this person was, and I was criticizing an entity, not an individual. And it wasn't that I was bothered by the comments as they were directed toward me. I can handle trolls and flamers and idiots all day. What unnerved me was the MEANNESS. What makes people think they have the right to treat other human beings in this way? Complete strangers? All because I insulted a road crew in a county where she doesn't even live? (Note: she later removed the comment, taking advantage of the internet privilege of deleting one's stupidity as if it never happened.)
If she's this way with me, I know she's behaving this way with other people.
And as a side note: There is *nothing* wrong with working at a dollar store, and being a road worker does not make one superior in any way.
(And the OP- bless her wonderful heart- said to me "I missed the day in Caste School that determined Road Commission workers were royalty.")
Today, on the same site, I came across these gems:
If you are a NICE, balanced person, these might be inspirational. But what if you aren't well-adjusted, how are you going to take it?
I ask myself... have people always been this mean? My answer is: I'm not sure. But I think the world is changing, and it's coming down to how we raise our children. We are afraid of criticism, afraid to let kids be criticized. We don't want to hurt their self-esteem. We love them, and we want them to know that we value them, no matter what. We want to treat them like the special snowflakes that they are. It's noble, for sure, but is it really doing them any good?
NO.
When we do this, we are raising monsters. Children that become adults that cannot handle failure or criticism. But because we've raised them to believe they are (essentially) perfect just the way they are, whatever they do, when the time comes that they do fail, they can't handle it. And perhaps more importantly, they will never blame themselves. They KNOW they are fine the way they are, no matter what. They've been getting gold stars on their papers for years... how could their college paper get an F? They attended class but they are still failing? Surely the kids getting A's are more favored by the teachers. How else could they be doing better?
When did we lose our ability to judge others on their merits and abilities, and decide to favor everyone equally instead, regardless of performance?
This scares me. Because this self-esteem movement doesn't produce a society where all people are equal. It results in below-average performers believing they are special. They don't appreciate what they have if they didn't have to work for it. And when they go out into the real world and discover they're not special, they don't take it with the kind of grace you'd see in someone that failed and struggled and learned from their mistakes in order to succeed. They blame others for their failures. They don't grow because they were hindered by their over-inflated ideas of self worth. That's not self-esteem. That's psychopathy.
And worst of all, they turn MEAN. They live below the normal standards of human dignity and decency.
